the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
