Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
