I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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