well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
