Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
