chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
