Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
