Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
