is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Randomize
