You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
