I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
