The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
