Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
