I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Small penises have feelings too.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
