barbara walters just said penis...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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