And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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