I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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