Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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