we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
