True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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