I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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