I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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