YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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