he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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