I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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