even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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