We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The air was thick with penises
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
