I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
