Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
