So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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