wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
