he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
