come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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