I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
