you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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