Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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