He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
