Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
