I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
