a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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