I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
