We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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