my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so let's talk penis.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
