I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
