tell your sister to shave her snatch
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
