I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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