Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
