Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
