i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
