I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
