Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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