Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
