My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
