I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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