You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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