we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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