i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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