I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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