nut hugger
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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