this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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