Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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