Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
