whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
