i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
