I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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