Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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