My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
