then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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