I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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